Newsletter 9

How to Keep the Honeymoons Happening

Hopefully for some of you reading our regular (or sometimes not so regular) newsletters, there have been a few breakthroughs in your relationships. From time to time you remember completely why you got together with your partner. Occasionally you even feel inspired enough to be ready to take your relationship to the next level of commitment or intimacy, whatever that may be.

In other words, you have reached a new ‘honeymoon’. Something has shifted, and it could be one of these .

- You have some new understanding about a projection you have on your partner, its not them its you! (Newsletter 2 - Our Fights)
- You realised you were upset for an old reason from the past (Newsletter 5)
- You healed an old sacrifice pattern from your past that has enabled you to move closer together (Newsletter 1 – Sacrifice).

. . . or something completely different (for the archive of our newsletters look on the website www.marriageproblem.co.uk)

That honeymoon feeling – a reminder of how it felt when we first fell in love - is our reward every time we are brave enough or willing enough to take a step in healing our emotional hurts.

That is the good news, and when you reach the honeymoon remember to celebrate that success – because the bad news is that the next issue between you and your partner will surface ready for healing, as surely as the sun rises every day. After 27 years together we can tell you this with complete certainty. And of course our premonition of this next challenge, unconscious or not, can keep us stuck in fights or dead zone or busyness for years. It feels easier to stay where we are, with all the things we don’t want to say or share or change, than risk rocking the boat with a bigger wave.

Jeff and I have just returned from Canada, where we attended a 10 day workshop. It is rare for us to take time off together, but we spent a long weekend on the west coast of Vancouver Island after the seminar. It is a challenge to balance our work and personal lives away from the many projects we have on the go at any one time. We realised and reaffirmed how our individual happiness depends more on our level of partnership than on any other factor in our lives.

And when the bigger wave hits we find ourselves asking, ‘ how did I want this situation to be worse than ever? I thought I was going for something better, and its never seemed as bad as this.’

It is at times like this, when things can seem to us most unsettled and in a downward spiral, that new answers can come. And it is a mark of our emotional intelligence that we persist in difficult situations, whether in our relationship or at work. Even if we are tempted to give up on our partner or on a business project, our persistence brings rewards.

There is a saying, ‘our strength is heaven’s weakness, and our weakness is heaven’s strength’. Whether or not you believe in heaven, this is about recognising that if we are willing to stay the course even in the worst of times, to stay open-hearted and connected to our partner or our colleagues, we will reap the benefits of closer relationships and more honeymoons. It is a trap we get into when we start to believe there is anything more important than our partner and when the pain comes up we are always confronted by that eternal question. Which is more important, my partner and relationship or this old pain?

If we continue to have the courage to recognise that our best chance of happiness lies with our partner, no matter how we sometimes feel, then we have a shot at that taste of heaven. But if we have made something else more important our suffering will continue and maybe, if we become dissociated enough, not always ourselves but someone close to us will pay the price.

We would like to remind you that we do have regular workshops around the world and if there is anything we can help you with please don't hesitate to contact us.

With love

Sue and Jeff